Are you fast, progressive, and not a total ****?

Then you may consider replying to a job advert for a chef at a new restaurant in Clarkson, Glasgow, Scotland.

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Then again, maybe not.

You see, the obnoxious job ad which was placed on Gumtree  warns “the money is sh*t”, the kitchen is the “size of a closet” and anyone who is unfortunate enough to apply for the role with a cover letter featuring standard business cliches such as team player will cause the the advertiser to “stab myself in the face with a pencil.”

The boss? Well he’s just “only a d***head for the first three years you know me. After that I’m a total sweetheart.”

We have a feeling a number of chefs will be reading it and thinking this doesn’t sound so bad compared to what they put up with.

If so, well sorry, you can’t apply for it anyway. The ad has now been taken down.



Man plans, God laughs. Nothing as much as owning a small business (save from perhaps having your own child) exemplifies this phrase more.

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You can try to forecast potential problems and solutions all you want, owning a small business will still result in head spinning moments and sleepless nights you never could have predicted.

But, if owning your own business is your dream, this is not us trying to put you off. Just like raising a child, the only way to really deal with the challenges that emerge is to meet them as they come.

And just like raising a child, the rewards from watching something you created yourself grow and flourish far outweigh the challenges (well, that’s the idea anyway).

Business Concerns

Constant Contact recently carried out a survey where they asked small business owners to reveal the concerns that keep them up at night. We’ve revealed the most common responses below, and, if you own a restaurant, how simpleERB can help you solve them.

66% of small business owners surveyed said their biggest concern was finding new customers

The simpleERB booking widget, which we can provide for both your website and Facebook page, makes it super easy for potential customers browsing your site to book a meal there and then. If they are already on your website they are interested, right? simpleERB makes that conversion from potential customer to customer so much easier and quicker.

55% of small business owners surveyed said their biggest concern was having enough time

simpleERB cuts time spent answering bookings on the phone and adding them to your diary. By installing the simpleERB widget on your page, the customer can book online and the booking is automatically added to your simpleERB diary.

40% of small business owners surveyed said their biggest concern was retaining existing customers

simpleERB builds a complete record of all your customers and their preferences, ensuring that if Customer A is gluten intolerant and Customer B likes their steak well done, you’ll be aware of this before they arrive at your restaurant. simpleERB helps provide a personal service that will make each of your customers feel like an A List guest.

32% of small business owners surveyed said their biggest concern was paying bills

simpleERB helps you run your restaurant more efficiently through better table management. You can avoid twos on fours and make sure that your restaurant makes the best of its capacity at all times.

30% of small business owners surveyed said their biggest concern was keeping up with technological advances

Our user friendly interface means that you can utilise simpleERB’s technology without feeling intimidated. To ensure we stay at the top of our game we do not rest on our laurels and are constantly working to develop simpleERB to make it better, more up to date and more powerful.

27% of small business owners surveyed said their biggest concern was meeting customer expectations

simpleERB’s customer record helps you go above and beyond customer service expectations. Customer C booked at 8pm in Friday night? A quick look at his simpleERB record shows he drinks sauvignon blanc and requests a table by the window. So why not pop a bottle of his favourite wine in the fridge and get his favourite table by the window ready? Details like this go a long way with customer satisfaction and only take a few minutes by checking simpleERB.

17% of small business owners surveyed said their biggest concern was maintaining sufficient staffing levels

With simpleERB’s reporting features you can easily track your busy as well as quieter periods to predict future trends and adjust your staffing levels accordingly.

6% of small business owners surveyed said their biggest concern was lending availability

simpleERB’s data allows you to go to potential lenders with stacks of statistics and covers reports that support your evidence as a financially viable businesses.

For more information on how simpleERB can help your business, check our website.



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